So it lives...

I'm listening to Rascal Flatts, I don't know why, a month ago I thought it was like nails on a chalkboard. It really grew on me, still don't know if the lead singer is a chick or a dude yet, i'll get it eventually.

You careen through life at a break neck pace, barely able to get a glimpse of the roses we're trying to smell, trying to savor their sweet fragrance, but no matter how amazing the smell, all we seem to remember are the thorns that pierced us acquiring it.

I thought of that, I like it. It's emo-ie but it has a distinct ring of truth to it. The time between this post and the previous one has run it's toll on me. I've become a better, wiser, person. I've made some pretty big changes in my life. Many of my friends that at least used to frequent here are framiliar with them.

I feel now my life is at a cross-roads. To make some decisions that have been haunting me since my birth, others that have been haunting me for a much shorter time. So to you my last dear reader, I shall finally share my only life regrets.

When I was 18 I had lauded about my enlistment into the USAF. I had passed the ASVAB, cleared my Med check and was getting processed for boot. My hopeful careers were "Nuclear Weapons Technician" and "Crew Master." I'm not going to lie to you guys, I really really wanted to play with the big bombs. When "The list" came out that showed the needs of the USAF that year, NWT and CM were nowhere to be found. My 3rd Choice, "Security Ops," was in high demand however. So I backed out, I was nothing short of a fucking coward. I would have been just peachy with Security Ops, but I used the lack of NWT as an excuse not to join. That decision has haunted me from the second I made it. I can still hear the disappointment in my recruiters voice when I called him.

I only have one other regret, and at the risk of sounding Cliche' i'm going to run with it anyway.

I never told her how I felt.

Yes, every single guy has "lost someone" they never had. No matter what your man tries to tell you, there was another that probably still troubles him. I was there, I had the opportunity to just fucking say it, and I blew it, I bit my tounge and said what I should have said, not what I wanted to. EVERY night, no matter where I am, the last thing I say before I fall into the sister of death that is sleep, I think "Why didn't I tell her?" My mind always answers "Because you're a fucking coward."

Now we come to what's commonly reffered to as, "The Point." Remeber when I mentioned that we dwell on the thorns of life? Well, enlisting in the USAF was an incredible experience that gave me a huge insight into military life, all the hopes of leaving the state to pursue something greater than myself, but what do I remember from that experience?

The click of the telephone on my last conversation with an Air Force recruiter.

Or her? I was honored to have even met her, let alone spend what little time there was together as friends, and with her all the time in the world still wasn't enough. It was awesome and I still have memories I wouldn't exchange for the world, but what do I remember?

When I couldn't just say "I'm in love with you."

So here I stand at my cross-roads. I've made my decision. I need to prove to myself that I am capable. Recently I made a large decision to go Marines, it was a decision I had been toying with for the past couple years but I finally said to myself it was time to shit or get off the pot, so last week I called the Officer Recruiter in Minneapolis and arranged a meeting to meet and get the paper work spooling. With this I can finally serve my country as I had originally intended, and prove to myself that I am a man. A lot of people think i'm going to back out and I don't blame them, hell i'm going through the same jitters I did back when I was 18. To be honest though I am very firm in this decision, the only things that would stop me from going are being let go because of a medical issue...

or her.

A ring on my finger from her, and i'd make whatever sacrafice necessary to keep her happy, even if it meant my own. I think it's time though for me to realize that that train has long since left the staiton, as if it were even there in the first place. These dilemmas in my life have forced me to try to live without regrets! It's been fantastic thus far, i've become more outgoing but I won't be pure and ready for life until I truly shed them, so here goes.

The day my heart exploded.

So what are my excuses now, well i'm still insanely behind on my flight template, it's finals week, oh and my girlfriend of 4 years left me for another guy (Dyke). Not that I care, because today the worst thing ever happened to me today...

So I didn't do to hot on the last aviation exam, the HSI whooped my ass up and down the stairs. So like the good Aviation student I am, I go in for my retake. While that might not sound very exciting, here, I'll liven things up a bit.

If I don't get at least a C on the retake I have to repeat the entire course.

Well thats not really a big deal, I can handle this, I step into his office politely ask if he's available now, says sure thing, hands me the retake and invites me to sit down and take it at his desk. I happily oblige, because I have nothing to worry about, I spent the better part of the night studying the HSI and situational awareness, at least 3 hours total. I can read them backwards, forwards, in the dark and with a monkey on my back, an angry one. So i'm not worried in the least bit, I sit down, look over the test and that's when my heart lept into my throat and then back down into my stomach where it drilled a hole through my spleen.

It was 10 questions.....multiple choice.

Not a single damn HSI interpretation question. Granted I read through the rest of the material, but that accounted for probably about 20-15% of my study time. So here's where i'm sitting at, I've got 10 questions to answer, can only get 2 wrong, pretty much didn't study any of this and if I don't rock this out i'm taking summer school....oh joy.

First 3 questions, BAM BAM BAM, instant easy Q's. 5 more and i'm rocking the casba. I fill out the 4th with a little bit of hesitation, then rock on and hit 4 more, BAM BAM BAM BAM. Hell i've got a shot at this. What are the last 2? Oh simple true and false, but i've seen these before, I had them on the last test! OMG!!!! I got the first one wrong and then 2nd one right!!! EASY A!

So what did I put the first time?

The party in my head just came to a grinding fucking hault. I could not remember what I put the first time. So was the first one true and the 2nd one false? or were they both false? or both true? Well now my heart was beating so fast I couldn't discern the beats from one another. This was it, my summer, my career, in 3 minutes or less. I hastily picked True and True. Turned it over and looked over all my answers, I couldn't afford a mistake here, obviously. I made the motion to turn it into him, stopped....

I changed 3 Answers, all 3 of the ones I was questioning, the 4th one and the last 2. The last 2 now being false and false. I passed it to him across his desk, my heart was beating so fast I thought i'd go into cardiac arrest, bust out the paddles and apply the juice, we're gonna need to shock this kid. He looked it over quickly, then reached into his desk to grab his red pen. It's alright, we have to break a few eggs to make an oml-.......

He just marked the 3rd one wrong.

One of my for sure answers, was just marked wrong....All I can think of now is that I hope my Dad leaves a little bit of my face intact for Mom after he disembowels me and chokes me with my own intestines. I'm gonna die, I don't wanna go to Bismarck tomorrow. He continued the march of the red pen...past the first one I was questioning, talk about saved by gut, the change paid off. Now I just need to get one of those last 2 right and i'll be home free, maybe it's not so bad. He flipped it, looked it over then flipped it back over. I DID IT!!!! and only 1 wrong! Oh shit he just flipped it back over.

150 JOULES, CLEAR!!! *application of the paddles*

He ran his pen over my answers of the last 2 quickly, read them over, then flipped it back to the front, "Good job, only 1 wrong, don't forget the final tomorrow at 10:15!"

My heart has now exploded, because it hurts, ALOT, what else could it be? I somehow stumble out of the office, and make my way towards the exit and my car...well at least I don't need to study block 5 for the final! I definitely don't need to go through that again.

Record time

Wow that only took a few days.

This was coming up the day of the shooting, Gun Control, seriouly guys, they haven't even finished carving the gravestones, calm down.

Personally if some students had been armed perhaps the body count would have been far more minimal, also if gun control had been slightly more strict then maybe he wouldn't have been able to get a hold of the guns he had.

All I know is it's a little soon, pray for the families, pray for the dead, we can discuss this later.

Iranians...crazy or misunderstood?

By now you've probably heard that the captured British sailors will be released by the Iranian government. Who knows why, they claimed it was an "Easter present" to the British people, and good for them.

Part of me can't help but wonder if this is just a ploy put on by the Iranians to gain favor for their nuclear program on the world stage. Another thinks that Tehran genuniely wants to be viewed better period. In the end though it was definitely a good move, and smart, we'll have to see how this unfolds.

Arrrrgggghhh old man winter HATES me!

Winter just won't die and let me finish my flight course...

KGFK 021853Z 36015G21KT 10SM OVC021 M02/M07 A3002 RMK AO2 SLP180

T10221067KGFK 021720Z 021818 35012KT P6SM OVC022
TEMPO 1822 BKN016
FM0400 01015KT 4SM -SN BR OVC015
TEMPO 0711 2SM -SN

In other news Vote Rudy '08!

He's lying he really is dead

No i'm fine.

I'm so far behind my flight template it's not even funny. Top that with spring break and a new found addiction to "World of Warcraft" and you find where i'm at right now. With little free time and even less to think about a decent blog post with.....a point.

On a SUPER positive note, to make up for my lack of posting I present to you the trailer for POTC:3

Gorgeous...

Why do I want to be a pilot?

The View